A friend is gone

My favorite instructor and coworker just passed away. He had sent out an email Monday that he had a mild heart attack this weekend and was being transferred to another hospital for some tests. That he looked forward to being back at work as soon as possible. I had answered his email telling him to rest and get better, and sent him our Christmas picture, since he was crazy about the kids. He was the one that always brought flowers for my desk each time he was in town. My boss just called a few minutes ago and said there was a complication to his open heart surgery and he didn’t make it.

I had told him in my response that it’s odd how we take our health for granted sometimes. I don’t know if he got to read my reply. In his email he told us that this was nothing to do with his workload, just his attitude since his last heart attack nine years ago of, “If it isn’t fun, Don’t Do It!” I looked to him as a father figure, and a wonderfully funny, very caring friend.

Frank, you will be missed tremendously.

Ouch not as much

I guess I should update you on the great dr’s appt I had yesterday.   Well, great doctor, lots discussed, and I’m down about another pound, so those are good.  Bad was my blood pressure was high for probably the first time in my life.  I’ll blame work for that one.  All my blood tests were good except the CBC.  As suspected, I’m back down again.  Hemoglobin was a 9, and the last time I went into the hospital for a transfusion it was 8.  I have to take iron pills twice a day until my next appt in a month and they’ll recheck. 
 
We also did a flip flop on my meds, back to something close to what my rheumy had me on in December 2006, since thankfully my dr was able to read what I had been on in the notes.  I’m so thankful that the dr’s office in Dallas really did fax my records over since I hate whining that I hurt to a dr and it looking like I’m a junkie.  So now my daily meds are – AM: cymbalta, zyrtec, and my vit B stress complex.  I’m supposed to have a slow-release iron pill there too, but I thought I had some at the house and I didn’t.  I have to go back to the drug store this afternoon.  PM: mobic, ultram, and another stupid iron pill.  This morning I pulled out one of my lidoderm patches for my lower back too, and I think it might be working some.
 
What was neat was that when I told a coworker who was in the office that I had to go for my appt yesterday, and he pressured me into telling him what it was for, he was surprised.  He told me he would have never known if I hadn’t have told him, and I’ve worked with him nearly a year.  I told him, you don’t see me move too much from my chair though – that’s how you can tell.  He told me that I was always so peppy and stuff that it surprised him. 

And on another note altogether – Happy Clone Wars Day!  I’m taking my young padawan and his big sister to the theater either this evening after work, or more likely, after some back to school shopping tomorrow.  It’s Tax-Free weekend in Texas, but my budget’s so tight this year (thanks to my ex missing his last two child support payments), I won’t really be able to enjoy the shopping experience like I have before.  It’s probably going to be Target for the turkey’s supplies and a couple extra pieces of clothes, Payless for shoes for them both, and 5-7-9 in the mall for the teenager.  I figure after that much stress and walking, it would be nice to sit in an air conditioned theater with a huge tub of fake-buttery popcorn and some junior mints.

Ouch a little bit

It’s been a while since I last wrote about my health.  I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis a couple years ago, with myalgia (he never used the phrase “fibromyalgia” so I don’t either, even though my grandmother was diagnosed with it some years ago also).  I went through a huge depression, where I could only see a life of pain and obstacles.  It was probably my mother’s constant complaining about her ails that made me see that all that negativity would not help me one bit, that I had two amazing children to take care of no matter what my physical condition.  I decided I would not my “disease” rule my life. 

But I’ve been wearing down lately.  It’s been a little over two years since my last transfusion, and I had blood work done at my family doctor’s office probably six weeks ago.  I accidently missed my follow up appointment, but I called and rescheduled for today.  The thing is, she said they would just send me a letter saying all bloodwork normal if that was the case, but that letter never came. 

I did the back work and made sure my rheumatologist’s office in Dallas faxed over my records.  I know I need to be more aggressive in my treatment at the moment, even though I hate what it might make me look like.  I’m in my mid-thirties and in constant pain.  Most days it’s managable.  Some days it isn’t.  Those are the days I need something more than the four Aleve I take each day.  But without records, backup, it’s awkward telling a fairly new doctor that you need drugs for pain.  I know what it must look like.  So instead of pushing the point I usually back off, frustrated and sad. 

I’m still fairly active.  Not athletic by any means, and some activities are very restricted.  I cannot kneel – the turkey boy must stand up in the tub to have his hair washed.  I cannot bend too much, so I don’t empty the dishwasher if I can avoid it.  And there came a time when I had to stop playing Final Fantasy because my hands and wrists couldn’t manage the controller for any long periods of time (and everyone knows, you can’t just play Final Fantasy for a few minutes).

So wish me luck today, that I might have the courage to ask for what I need.  That I might eventually have a pain-free day.  In the meantime, send me your jokes to cheer me up, because laughter really does work wonders.

Peace.

Reverse SADness

It’s Texas.  It’s August.  It’s 100 degrees outside.

I love my children dearly, but there was nothing in the world they could have possibly done to get me out of the house this weekend.  Ok, I’ll say that early Saturday morning we went to Walmart to load up on groceries for the next week or so, but that was it.  Try as I might, I could not motivate myself in any way, shape, or form to actually put on my swimsuit and walk across the parking lot to swim.  My daughter kept complaining about how dark it was in the house, but if I were to open the shades, it would heat up faster than a microwaved pizza roll. 

I have in the past teased about having reverse SAD – seasonal affective disorder.  Until this morning, I didn’t realize it wasn’t a joke.  Now I’m not here to diagnose myself, but I found it interesting that is a real disorder.  I’ve seen some contradiction as to what is considered “reverse,” with different sources calling the opposite symptoms reverse SAD, and some calling SAD in summer or spring reverse. 

All I know is when it’s this hot outside, I can’t think.  I want to stay in a cool spot and not move too much.  I want a freaking snowball.

PMS Post 2

It seems my food posts were forming on a regular basis, so I decided just to call a spade a spade.  I had a doctor’s appointment this morning for bloodwork, since it’s been a loooong time since anyone has stabbed with me a needle for the purpose of subtraction instead of addition.  This meant no breakfast, no convenience store white chocolate capp, no orange koolaid to swallow the morning meds.  So last night was a bit of a binge for me, I’ll admit it.  After my chunky soup, since I’m still not up to a ton of chewing, I sought out the skim lacy swiss cheese to wrap around the shaved turkey I bought at the deli earlier.   And then I kept pacing back to the kitchen during commercials, even though nothing looked interesting.  I wasn’t hungry, but the thought of deprivation even though I’m not usually hungry when I first get up was sending me into national geographic mode, thinking I needed to bulk up for the lean months ahead.

The only test they ran there at the office was cholesterol, and if you’re interested, bad & triglycerides were normal.  Good cholesterol was low, but that tends to run in my family.  I was told to exercise more and eat more fiber.  I’ll be hearing about my blood count soon, but until then, I’ll pretend that’s normal too.  And I almost kissed the scale in the office.  I’ll attribute it to all the dental stuff I’ve been through this past month, but I’m down about nine pounds from my last visit. 

Good results, weight loss, deprivation, and hormones equal FAST FOOD DAY!  On the way back to the office I picked up an egg & cheese taquito and sweet tea from Whataburger, and then a few hours later, picked up Amy to take her to Sonic with me.  I forgot my zantac at the house, so I might be in tears a few hours from now after the regular chili cheese dog comes back to haunt me.  Amy and I shared a large order of cheesecake bites also.  Heredity be damned today! 

I feel better now.

(No french fries were harmed in the making of this post.)

Iron Chef America was the pits

I’ve mentioned a million reasons why my teeth are not as good as I would like them to be, but I would like to bring to light one that only a few people know about.  On Halloween a few years back, my boss and I ordered these yummy muffaletta sandwichs from Jason’s Deli there in Addison.  I was only a couple bites in when I came down chomping force on an olive pit, immediately splitting the bottom molar.  I guess we didn’t notice the crack in the top one since it wasn’t as obvious at the time. 

Monday, my dentist completed the top root canal, though not the crown yet.  Tuesday, instead of driving two hours one way to see the closest endodontist on our insurance plan to have them re-do the root canal on the tooth under it, my dentist here pulled it.  I’ve probably said it before, but I feel like I’ve been punched in the jaw.  The left side of my face is swollen and sore, and the right side is just plain sore from it being propped open.  The only semi-solid food I’ve had to eat the past day and a half were two Kroger brand butterscotch pudding cups, and they were soooo good.  I’ve been taking in a lot of liquids in un-soda form *pout* and not talking too much.  I know this will be over soon.  This is what I get for being without dental insurance for as long as I have. 

And what does this have to do with Iron Chef?  As Brody and I snuggled up to watch Sunday night after a long drive home, following a fight with my ex outside the Texas Burger in Buffalo and a point of a half an hour where the air conditioner froze up in the car, guess what the secret ingredient was? 

Olives. 

So what does a single mom do in her down time?

I know I’m fortunate.  My sister is raising three kids with little help, and doesn’t get a night off.  Matter of fact, due to my niece’s medical issues, she has to be on-hand during the day and work nights.  She’s on call 24/7.  I know I’m a lucky woman to have my children spend time with the other side of their family for a week here and there.

But after a couple days, I get bored.  No kidding.  I don’t do bars – loud noise, smoke, and anything past about one drink leave me irritable.  I also don’t look at my week alone as a time to spend money on myself, money that I would normally buy kid-staples with, since finances are tight anyway.  Those funds will roll into the extra required to feed a teenager during the summer.  And so far this week the pool has been out due to a handful of storms. 

So I’ve played Mario Party 8 for three evenings in a row.  I’ve beat Bowser twice now. 

I started reading Odd Mom Out by Jane Porter and tossed it across the room after 80 pages of being beat over the head by the fact that she likes motorcycles and her daughter wishes she was normal.  And that was only on Day 2 of the book  No way I would read another 300 plus pages of that dribble. 

So I started on Blood Orange by Drusilla Campbell instead.  We’ll see how that goes.

I went to Target to buy Archer Farms ginger beer.  Mmmm.

I took the very old flea collar off Sutton, since he’s been indoors for the past year after he came back from my ex’s house.  I’m telling you, after giving him a good scratching, I *own* him now.  It’s to the point where he’s been tempted to join me in the bathtub he loves me so much.

I’ve finally started watching Firefly – The Complete Series how many years since it’s been off the air?  Now I understand what the fuss was all about.  I’m quite impressed.

And I’m still eating soft foods.  So I set the big rice cooker to go this weekend, and have just been digging in my rice supply and adding fun things to it for dinner, such as Snoopy Furikake with little Snoopy heads!

Other than that, it’s been very, very quiet the past few days.

Munchausen’s by Internet

This might seem out of character here, but I wanted to go into some of the things I’ve been reading.  Most of my research into Munchausen’s by Internet came as a result of over ten years exposure to online support groups in various forms.  I’ve witnessed some truly selfish, narcissistic people using these forums and support groups as supply, feeding their need for attention at any costs.  I can honestly admit I’ve been fooled completely now twice.

The first time was in the previously mentioned pregnancy support group, now six years ago.  There was a member that went by the name of Gina/Ohmybelly who claimed to have had testing done early in her pregnancy, and it was determined by these tests she was carrying a boy.  However, some months later, she went into very early labor and delivered a premature baby girl.  She was called out on her lies and fake pictures, and disappeared into the web.  She may be out there now masquerading in any form, or she may have learned her lesson that it’s downright evil to mess with the sympathies of pregnant people.

I have also been fooled more recently.  This is also someone I’ve “known” now since 2002, and has referred to me in a recent pregnancy forum as a “dear, dear friend” that has lit candles and done Wiccan rituals for her. (Alrighty then, how about that one?) I don’t have the server space to list all the illnesses and “bad times” she’s encountered.  I wanted to believe her and did for many years, based on the fact that she was a multiple miscarriage and domestic violence survivor like I am, and a Gulf War veteran (and I still don’t know if that’s true either).  However, her miscarriage rate is now in the double digits, she’s had cancer a few times, seizures, mental illness, a suicidal child close in age to my daughter, and more and more and more.  And now, after being in remission for a few years and being on disability for her seizures, she has found herself pregnant for the umpteenth time.  And of course, this has to be a high-risk pregnancy.  Supposedly she found out her imaginary fetus has it’s heart and possibly other organs growing outside it’s body, coincidently, a few weeks after the May 1st episode of Grey’s Anatomy  showing the very same thing! Hmmm, you say?

I’ve disassociated myself with her and her followers.  My fear though is that using her fantastic imagination, she is preying on the emotions of another group of expecting mothers. And my greater fear is that she might end up with more than Hallmarks & sympathy emails, that a fund-raiser might be started.  Now I can’t prove without a shadow of a doubt that her pregnancy is imaginary, which was also featured on Grey’s, but she’s offered no belly pictures, no ultrasounds, no doctor’s names, no specifics other than what you could copy and paste from online resources. 

In light of my experience, I wanted to offer my readers this, linked from the source, MUNCHAUSEN BY INTERNET: FAKING ILLNESS ONLINE:

Clues to Detection of False Claims

Based on experience with two dozen cases of Munchausen by Internet, I have arrived at a list of clues to the detection of factititous Internet claims. The most important follow:

1. the posts consistently duplicate material in other posts, in books, or on health-related websites;
2. the characteristics of the supposed illness emerge as caricatures;
3. near-fatal bouts of illness alternate with miraculous recoveries;
4. claims are fantastic, contradicted by subsequent posts, or flatly disproved;
5. there are continual dramatic events in the person’s life, especially when other group members have become the focus of attention;
6. there is feigned blitheness about crises (e.g., going into septic shock) that will predictably attract immediate attention;
7. others apparently posting on behalf of the individual (e.g., family members, friends) have identical patterns of writing.

Lessons

Perhaps the most important lesson is that, while most people visiting support groups are honest, all members must balance empathy with circumspection. Group members should be especially careful about basing their own health care decisions on uncorroborated information supplied in groups. When Munchausen by Internet seems likely, it is best to have a small number of established members gently, empathically, and privately question the author of the dubious posts. Even though the typical response is vehement denial regardless of the strength of the evidence, the author typically will eventually disappear from the group. Remaining members may need to enlist help in processing their feelings, ending any bickering or blaming, and refocusing the group on its original laudable goal.

Random snippets

Good morning all.  I sit here, jaw sore from a root canal yesterday afternoon, contemplating taking a painkiller at work.  My boss knows; I think he thinks it would be funny to get me loopy at work, but I’m not at that point at the moment.  I have to go back in two weeks for them to set the crown, and in the meantime, find an endodontist that accepts our dental insurance to fix a previous root canal directly under the tooth that was worked on yesterday.  Not fun.  I can blame this on years of sleeping with my mouth open (due to my tonsils probably), maybe on the tongue ring that I haven’t put back in a while, my obsessive ice chomping, or probably a combination of all three. 

Amy is finishing up her last two half-days of the 7th grade, and then its onto a summer of laziness.  It will be interesting how active her social life has been, since we’ve moved.  She and her brother are going to Houston to visit their cousins next week, but other than that, I’m sure she will probably fit in a lot of group activities during my work day with her friends.  Brody’s preschool sent home their blankies and pillows to transition them into a real kindergarten day this summer.  I have to bring the book he made in class to scan it – it’s adorable.  It’s an “About Me,” book, with some cute pictures.

On the food front, I made more spring rolls last night using the method from Tableau Vivante.  They recommend instead of soaking the spring roll wrappers in warm water, instead, layer them between damp paper towels for about ten minutes prior to use.  I found this worked very well in keeping the wrappers intact – out of eight I made last night, only one bust through, and I think that was due to the sharpish shredded carrots. 

On the NM front, my mother called my Amy this weekend and left a message, since Amy isn’t answering her calls.  It was essentially, I’m still here, I love you, I should have called you sooner (?), kiss your brother for me.  I’m considering changing her phone number, since I pay the bill, and am still the mother.  While the message may seem innocuous to many people, with our history of threats and manipulation, I would like to restrict her contact with my children as going through me only.  That’s fair, no? 

I also made a decision recently.  I have been a part of a support board since I found out I was pregnant with my son in February, 2002.  The members have dwindled down, but it’s still a very active board.  However, one of the admins is now using this board as her narcissistic supply, in addition to a few other places online.  She has created a drama that seems so outrageous that I was finding myself angry each time I visited, angry that someone would think I/we would be so gullible, and angry for those believing her and offering her support and help.  I was taking it very personally, so I made the decision to break off my membership for good.  This board was a healthy source of support and entertainment for me off and on over the past six years, and now I’ve let go of that crutch as it was hurting me more than helping me.  I miss the routine, but I am kinda proud of myself for dropping that crutch.

Anyway, hope you all had a great weekend. 

Texas immunization laws and the Turkey Boy

First a bit of medical background.  My son, affectionately know as the Turkey, Turkey Boy, Turkey Sandwich, Super Turkey, Turkey Skywalker, etc, was diagnosed when he was a little over a year old with IgAD – Immuno globulin A deficiency.  This is an immune system deficiency, essentially.  Since this particular Ig guards the mucous membranes, what happens is that any ookies that could get through to him that way will.  What is more interesting is that this is hereditary, and it wasn’t until a few years after his diagnosis that I got mine of Rheumatoid Arthritis, one of the possible later complications of his disease (another would be Lupus).

I have in the past had his doctors send a note to his daycares to inform them that because of the immune system deficiency, he has not had the required immunizations.  I don’t get a lot of flak usually, but today is the Turkey’s kindergarten roundup, which means a new school for me to present his exemption to.  When I presented the dr’s note and a print out from the web on his condition to his current preschool, the director told me of the procedures for getting him into kindergarten this year.  She said I would have to mail something to Austin, get something notarized, and more and more.  But from my research, that’s only for exemptions of conscience, which is not quite the case here.  For the record, my 13yo is vaccinated, and she and I have even discussed the Gardisil vaccine.  According to what I’ve read, my doctor’s letter should be good enough for a lifetime exemption, since this is a lifetime condition. 

So now, armed with my note on Brody’s doctor’s prescription pad, I get to face the schools this afternoon.  And you guys know how I dread school officials.  I even had an anxiety dream this morning about missing the first part of the “meeting” and being embarassed walking in late in front of all the other parents.  Is it bad that I’m having embarassing school dreams, and it’s not even my school?